Allowing your partner to influence you can sound like you are incapable of making a decision to someone else who does not have the same structure in their home but in reality it can bring a couple together and create a healthly and happy marriage according to the reading in Gottmen's book, The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work. Gottmen says, "...men who allowed their wives to influence them had happier relationships and were less likely to eventually divorce than men who resisted their wives' influence. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct."[a] Although this chapter is stressed more towards men because quite often men are the ones who don't seek influence from their spouse the book also says some wives can have simular issues by not welcoming influence from their husbands.
We live in a society that is all about me, what makes me happy and if I feel fulfilled. It can become easy to fall into the trap of not seeking influence from our spouses. We can even get fooled into thinking if we consider the advise of our wife or husband in making a decision it makes us weak and powerless. Which is ironically the exact opposite of the truth. If a wives opinion is taken into consideration she will feel heard and respected which in turn she will do the same for her husband. They will have a open dialog of issue they as a couple face and things will run smoothly.
It is import to respect your spouses ideas and opinion. Even listening to and understand of your spouse all though you may not agree can help you and your companion come to a place that works for both of you. Sometimes it is best to do things their way even if you don't like it. In his book, Gottman gives an example on page 131 [b] of a husband who came home and was tried. His wife wanted him to take the kids with him to the hardware store which he was planning to visit. He could easily justify why taking the kids would be a bad idea even unsafe in this type of store or how he was tired from work and wanted to rest from people all day; as well. But the best choice for this husband on so many levels was to allow his wife to influence him. By taking the kids his wife would feel grateful towards him. She would also have to time to regroup and when he gets back she will be in a better situation and mood to be of help to him. He would be able to spend time with his kids, a much needed event that children desperately need to have. Plus, he would be able to keep his cool title, because he bought ice cream. In this case everyone wins.
Had he just said no, I want to go alone all though he would have thought he won in the long run he would loose in reality as his wife would resent that she is always with the kids. The dad would miss out with spending import parent/child time with this kids and the kids would not have a fun memory of stopping for ice cream with dad when we did errands. Often the quick win is the long term loss.
[a] Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2018). The seven principles for making marriage work. London: Seven Dials an imprint of Orion Publishing Group Ltd. (116)
[b] Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2018). The seven principles for making marriage work. London: Seven Dials an imprint of Orion Publishing Group Ltd. (131-132)
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